Tuesday, October 18, 2011

three months stilllll blows




Baby sister!!! i miss you!! your mess!! your random craziness!! i  i JUST MISS YOU!!! the girl ive missed for a long time, the girl  i thought would just pull threw !!you are a flyum !!! we ALWAYS make it through .... apparently we don't ... apparently we some times just breathe  (OK thats what iam doing) Apparently some of us die !!!  ~~~~  note to you he is going to need you. he is heading  to rehab maybe he will make it ??I hope so!  i wont bury some else this year!!
 hey BIG Al have ya meet  Tim  yet ?????  ya need too.. you two a HAVE to save our boy!! and i believe with you and him together as a team it could work!! Or you two would just cause a GREAT ruckus and sweeet Jesus never mind that makes my brain hurt! BAHHHA!! Miss you I just fucken miss you!! ~~~~

* Note I wrote this on the third month of her death. fuck can the 10th ever come by and I wont think of her? I went to taco Bell and ordered an extra Taco to bring home for her last weekend . I FUCKEN HATE taco bell.........
*** Check out the fact that iam HUGELY PREGO (month 9 and days)  with Fallin .... John Kosch is Santa and Alexe is an Elf......IF I KNEW THEN what id Know NOW but i didn't so there ya have it.....








Sunday, October 2, 2011

Just the Ocean ....


 I Love the Ocean its so amazing .... calming yet powerful . I find my self walking the beach when happy, when thoughtful, when sad, when i just want fresh air. Things feel so much better here.




So i wanna write about something positive  I  wanna type something up lifting iam tired of being sad iam tied of being ANGRY !! i have a pretty sweet life really and so I say lets check out things that make me smile and some days thats all ya need or ask for!
this was lovely
these people are good fun and funny!! they keep me sane and insane  and i love them all!! this is what they do this who they are THEY are fab!!

Friday, September 30, 2011

Some Times life BLOWS!





 I need to write or acknowledge someones husbands death.... not a close friend but a friend. ya know the kinda friend that your kids love and you love their kid and all the kids call ya both mom but you as "moms" ya never do anything with... you are always gonna but ya never do... but you know each other, understand each other ,and trust your  most prized gift/gift's with ?? Yes that person I SHOULD talk too, SHOULD give her a shoulder, extend a hand. but i CANT!!!  because i know it doesn't mater WHAT i say what i DO  it wont help! she wont even really hear it . It will be WHITE NOISE like a vacuum cleaner or the music channel just alot of BLAH BLAH BLAHHHH. ~~~~ I know we both could drink some wine and  cry ..laugh..feel guilty cause this is almost better .... be pissed at the waste but will it help HER ??? Will it make the newly formed scabs on me reopen ??? those are the questions and right now i am barely keeping me afloat can i really hold someone else above water?? i NEED  to call her i NEEEEED to talk to "my other daughter" but i CANT !!! Ive started to a dozen times and i just fucken cant do it!! and this PISSES me off!.........................

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Looking Down

Do you ever look down?? I never really thought about it before but i don't. i mean if iam at the beach or dodging dog poo then ya but for the most part iam a UP looker and straight ahead looker. I was looking threw some pictures a few months back and was just amazed at them. Mostly because i have been too or have taken pictures of the same spots but NEVER saw what he saw. I asked off hand How did i NOT see all this??? "Look down once in awhile Rama" was his answer. So I started to. its weird but there is a whole nother world down there.....
took this yesterday thought it was kinda cool how it was just growing out of a little crack. I never noticed it till yesterday . how did i miss it growing all that time?? i walk over that step at least 4 times a day. I need to look down more ..........

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Days like these


Last Night i watched a women tear up. Tear up you say WHAT EVER . But its NOT WHATEVER Ive known her the better part of 30 years (probably longer but that's when i rember knowing her)and NEVER and i mean NEVER even seen her sad. i lived with her for the better part of a year when i first got out of college. She handles things and she handles them well.She gets things DONE!! but last night a tear rolled down her face 3 of them to be exact. This amazing women who raised 3 kids by her self,took care of her mother threw Alzheimer's took care of her aunt tell she died then took her uncle threw Alzheimer's as well all the time raising said three kids alone, working her ass off, all in the span of 10 years teared up last night. WHAT makes a strong women like this finally break down?? Her CHILD and said Child's life choices. This "child" is almost 40 but still her child.
Last Night I watched another amazing women TALK OUT LOUD ! TALK you say WHATEVER! But its NOT WHATEVER! It was mind blowing to me because she talked about her dead daughter said the words OUT LOUD!!! Not tear full, not sad, just matter of a factly she didn't try to make the child more then she was. I was so Proud of her!! in my heart i never thought this would ever come about . Why you ask because she had buried another child 47 years ago and it took me over 20 plus years to learn about it. So to me this is amazing and good! because she is gonna be ok she is gonna deal with this. She is gonna be here for the rest of her Children who are all WELL over 35 but still her children...

This morning i dropped my kids off at the high school this morning i smiled because they were happy they are healthy and they are great kids. Because days like this don't always happen. because there will be days like those two amazing women are having . because days like today make those days bearable.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

some of the week

I was given the OFFICIAL STAFF lanyard this week. This makes me giggle !!
This is Blake at football practice on friday. Man the wind and rain was CRAZY. Gave me that Dutch Harbor vibe. I cant belive he is in 6th grade already.......


Found these Groovy shrooms in Darrys Front Yard ...... Thought they were kinda FESTIVE.
Of Course the Future Glitter Queen was all Marinered up for the Game this weekend against Kodiak yep yep we won. We are 4-0 this season so far WHOOP.
She told me to take a picture of her hair because "its SO BEAUTIFUL rama" lol she is such a goof!
This Picture just makes me laugh its so them!! Bunch of nuts they are!!