Thursday, March 28, 2013
When i started this blog 4 years ago i did it because i was bored at night and wanted to show off my adorable family.......... i was flippant, mouthy and indulged and didn't know, nor did i care about much past my drama ...... four years later things are not ADORABLE nor are they boring, they are complicated and iam still indulged ........ But for the people that read this know what comes out on this blog is no longer really for public viewing ! This is were i get to BITCH!! BE IMPERFECT!! have FEELINGS!! be MAD!! Be INSECURE ,QUESTION!! NOT BE IN CHARGE of SHIT!! NOT FEEL BAD for thinking!! I GET to be SAD and CRY here i don't have to be strong here ...i dont have to save anyone ..... Let me have this .......... I KNOW iam AMAZING, WONDERFUL and LOVING LOL honey tis why i wear any one of my 10 crowns :)............... What iam trying to say is this is my space for as long as i type its were i mix my thoughts with my life sometimes its not nice or good or fair but its how i feel at that moment .... Iam like a crow deep thought HEY WAIT SHINY ! get what iam saying??? LOVE to you all !! iam ok ..damn OK actually !!............... but iam sad and i miss her so much .. for all of you its been a few weeks but for me its been months .......
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
|OK i had another picture for this and i|
didn't like it so i googled "dad" for something
a bit more not sad and this was the
#1 goggle image!!!
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Thursday, March 14, 2013
This was the DAILY BITCH on the day my Friend!!!...my Mommy died....... Is it not what it should have been?? I went to work that day not because i had to BECAUSE i NEEDED too.I flipped the calendar and THIS was the BITCH!! LOL DAMN STRAIGHT!! .........id slept 30 minutes that night when i got the call ...... the call i couldn't under stand what he was saying the call i FLEW outta bed to answer The call i KNEW was coming...... The call the call ...... The call i officially lost the 1 person that knew ME!!! LOVED ME UNDERSTOOD ME!! Her and i solved the world problems a zillion times..and people seriously she was a republican and i democrat... both bossy and WE figured it out!!?? OK OK Vodka was involved LOL) the call that separates me from all of them.. THE call i had hoped that would come sooner then later.... YES I SAID IT!! SOONER!! FASTER!! it took WAY TO LONG for that call!! she was DONE!~!! she didn't give up!! She took her FIRST PAIN pill 1 hour 15 minutes before she died......... She is gone from MY world i cant touch her i cant feel her.... I HAD HOPED some amazing SOMETHING would happen that would make me OK with it...make me feel she is "whipping" my sister into shape ... Make me know that her and Grandma Betty are playing with my big brother Kurt.. that they are ALL in a happy place........................But NOOOOOOOOOO thats not what is. But you know what IS??? what is is that she is no longer looking at me with those GIANT GLOWING blues eyes in PAIN looking at me wanting me to make it stop!!she is not trying to make everything OK for us! she NO longer hurts!! and that people is MOST important...Ive missed her for months.......HER!! those who knew her under stand what i am saying those who dont can just chalk it up as me being a Bitch ...... But today this day i Miss my FRIEND !!! My lets go have fun partner!! my Mommy!!!! i am BROKEN i am wishing i could have a THOUSAND redo's I WISH I WISH a ton of things but i do NOT wish she was still here ..............I Hope she is free of pain i hope she is HAPPY!!! I hope I get to see HER again............. Every day with her was a gift i just DIDN'T know!!!!