Sunday, April 28, 2013

smile cause it feels good

I try and keep my brain busy VERY VERY BUSY!! i take on more than i should. Do things that i don't wanna do so i don't have time to think.. Its what i do its what ive always done . But today was  a great! FUN!! day !!! i waved winked and kissed the picture in the mirror with a smile and started the day !! we played we flew kites we skipped on the beach we drove .. Then ...."AUNTIE RAMA  come up here and take a picture "( lol i take a picture of EVERYTHING this child does) so up i go and this she has made. "ARI its beautiful" Me....." I can't put Grandma on here and i want too... Ari  " Yes you can !! You can put her any place you want!!" me saying it with a Big ASS smile on my face!!! ...... I took the picture i turned walked down the stairs tears ROLLING down my face ..... Not because she is gone BUT because my grandchildren my daughters children will NEVER NEVER EVER say this!! They will NEVER know her they will NEVER  GET to tell her stuff i will never know .. They will NEVER get to color with her they will NEVER get slipped M &M's  when iam not looking..... BUT i smile because SHE does SHE misses ALL these things!! and i hope she shares these things and i hope her 5 year old mind holds on too them !!! Smile it feels good even when life isnt ... Smiling just feels good!!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Something HAPPY!!

i had actually meant to bust a little something more light then the post below and some how i turned the corner so now a picture thats sure to make ya smile!! HEHEHEHE!!! ITs the King of the Park!!


This not a great photo but its the one sitting next to me right now . Its the one thats been sitting here next to me for almost a month. Its a SHITTY picture. But i LOVE it cause i can see her hands . She had the most AMAZING hands ( my daughter has em ) Nails no matter if she was changing a shitty diaper,cooking for 30 people, pouring drinks for an entire bar, beading,digging in the dirt. All ways looking GOOD!!! She TALKED with her hands i always followed them. Maybe cause they always had SHINY,SPARKLY, BIG ,AMAZINGness on them??  Maybe!!!  (hey i got my love of all things shiny from SOME PLACE LOL)........... I could tell how life was going by the shape of these hands. When they were unadorned of any piece of jewelry i knew time was ticking   how when when they stopped  moving when she talked i knew it was coming FAST .. i miss these hands "talking" i miss holding this hand...............................I held it the whole night after her brain surgery thinking how lucky i was to be able to hold it...i can still feel in my hand the way her skin felt how tiny and weak and cold it  felt to me...... how she Kept squeezing my hand thru the night  just to see if someone was there .......... i would never get to hold it again  ............................ .