I try and keep my brain busy VERY VERY BUSY!! i take on more than i should. Do things that i don't wanna do so i don't have time to think.. Its what i do its what ive always done . But today was a great! FUN!! day !!! i waved winked and kissed the picture in the mirror with a smile and started the day !! we played we flew kites we skipped on the beach we drove .. Then ...."AUNTIE RAMA come up here and take a picture "( lol i take a picture of EVERYTHING this child does) so up i go and this she has made. "ARI its beautiful" Me....." I can't put Grandma on here and i want too... Ari " Yes you can !! You can put her any place you want!!" me saying it with a Big ASS smile on my face!!! ...... I took the picture i turned walked down the stairs tears ROLLING down my face ..... Not because she is gone BUT because my grandchildren my daughters children will NEVER NEVER EVER say this!! They will NEVER know her they will NEVER GET to tell her stuff i will never know .. They will NEVER get to color with her they will NEVER get slipped M &M's when iam not looking..... BUT i smile because SHE does SHE misses ALL these things!! and i hope she shares these things and i hope her 5 year old mind holds on too them !!! Smile it feels good even when life isnt ... Smiling just feels good!!