We got lucky Monday very lucky!!! We get her for a bit longer.....But in all my own self wallowing and selfishness id for gotten the most important thing.... HER!!! What are her wishes her wants her needs..................Quality vs Quantity iam fighting with these words. My heart like a greedy child says QUANTITY!!!FOREVER !!! TIME TIME TIME give me TIME!!! but My mind says in wisdom and strength QUALITY!!!!......I held her hand in recovery while absorbing the full effects of the brain surgery the bruises the blood the stitches the sounds of machines screaming and echoing and thought its too much for me to want her to keep doing this ! This operation was just a side effect of her disease we haven't even started on it its self. To much way to much to ask.......
So last night last night in what is considered the quite of the night in a hospital she says . I am NOT doing this AGAIN !! i say what?? she points her finger at her head makes a circle around her body says "all this!!!" I say hell i don't blame you !!! Then she with her mouth set says "Ya know there is something about just living .....all...... ya know (she has lost some verbal skills ) LONG PAUSE turns looks at my face ....her eyes clear with a little smile says Vodkaeee !" I smile laugh and say "yes ...yes there is" knowing the real words she was looking for ...........................................
Even a stroked,bruised up,swollen brain is smarter then MY heart!!! I got my extra time on Monday to learn this lesson .................Now it is time to listen to MY BRAIN.......
What lessons we all learn and usually at someone elses expense. I have been in this very situation, its so hard to let go.....we always want more time with the people we love. Selfishly, I too want more time with her. Much love Rama!!!
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