FAT!! AGAIN!!!

these are not my feet .. but the scale say's the same!

Shit shit shit!!!! I finally hit the gym again... i thought id DIE!!! On the one hand i MISSED it....( mostly i missed the RELEASE ) on the other hand i HATE HATE working out!! Christ on a crutch it SUCKS!!! Ok really i don't mind working out what  i mind is i HAVE too!! Just to be a normal sorta chubby weight girl ( ok iam 5'2 and a HALF and i should weight 125 ... on the heavy side of 5.2 that will NEVER FREAKEN HAPPEN!!) But i haven't ran 1 freak-en mile since July 11th ... I ran on  the 11th for miles and miles and miles with OUT MUSIC with out recording it i just walked out my door and RANNNNNNNNN ( i know for a fact it was over 12 miles cause i used to run 11 miles in one shot at least once every month and i know exactly how many miles every path in homer has ) I was already sporting a hip flexer injury ..but after that run i had torn my hip flexer and that injury is the WORST!!!.. I was stressed.. i was drinking.. i was smoking.. (hell i still am) i have ALLOT OF EXCUSES!!!  But NONE of them VALID !! And i held my weight ( not to say i wanst getting bigger i was !! i weighted the same but my ass was fitting into NOTHING... INCHES PEOPLE INCHES you would be surprised!)  up until the last month and BAM i hit the NUMBER and  3 pounds over ...( My number 2 years ago was 200 my number 5 years ago 250  (hey your talking to a chick that weighed 265 at her PRIME so dont JUDGE) ... doesn't everyone have a number that makes them RETHINK?? Ive ALWAYS been fat so Tell me i am not the only one that has a number..... ANYWAY!!!! back to the point... my ass is now trying to go back to the gym i have to make  it a PRIORITY again !! In my mind i think if i make it public ill do it!

hey i HAVE A DREAM TOO!!

I REALLY REALLY wanna run again but iam AFRAID !! I cant tell you how much that injury HURT ( i have an HUGE.. GIANT ..AMAZING pain tolerance but that made me cry just to WALK) BUT i WILL run the heart run again this year i might not be fast but it WILL get done!! at this point just to BE ABLE to run is a GIFT!! Besides ive already lapped anyone just laying on the couch!!!RIGHT??...................