FAT!! AGAIN!!!

these are not my feet .. but the scale say's the same!

Shit shit shit!!!! I finally hit the gym again... i thought id DIE!!! On the one hand i MISSED it....( mostly i missed the RELEASE ) on the other hand i HATE HATE working out!! Christ on a crutch it SUCKS!!! Ok really i don't mind working out what  i mind is i HAVE too!! Just to be a normal sorta chubby weight girl ( ok iam 5'2 and a HALF and i should weight 125 ... on the heavy side of 5.2 that will NEVER FREAKEN HAPPEN!!) But i haven't ran 1 freak-en mile since July 11th ... I ran on  the 11th for miles and miles and miles with OUT MUSIC with out recording it i just walked out my door and RANNNNNNNNN ( i know for a fact it was over 12 miles cause i used to run 11 miles in one shot at least once every month and i know exactly how many miles every path in homer has ) I was already sporting a hip flexer injury ..but after that run i had torn my hip flexer and that injury is the WORST!!!.. I was stressed.. i was drinking.. i was smoking.. (hell i still am) i have ALLOT OF EXCUSES!!!  But NONE of them VALID !! And i held my weight ( not to say i wanst getting bigger i was !! i weighted the same but my ass was fitting into NOTHING... INCHES PEOPLE INCHES you would be surprised!)  up until the last month and BAM i hit the NUMBER and  3 pounds over ...( My number 2 years ago was 200 my number 5 years ago 250  (hey your talking to a chick that weighed 265 at her PRIME so dont JUDGE) ... doesn't everyone have a number that makes them RETHINK?? Ive ALWAYS been fat so Tell me i am not the only one that has a number..... ANYWAY!!!! back to the point... my ass is now trying to go back to the gym i have to make  it a PRIORITY again !! In my mind i think if i make it public ill do it!

hey i HAVE A DREAM TOO!!

I REALLY REALLY wanna run again but iam AFRAID !! I cant tell you how much that injury HURT ( i have an HUGE.. GIANT ..AMAZING pain tolerance but that made me cry just to WALK) BUT i WILL run the heart run again this year i might not be fast but it WILL get done!! at this point just to BE ABLE to run is a GIFT!! Besides ive already lapped anyone just laying on the couch!!!RIGHT??...................

some things DON'T translate!!

OK i have learned a MOST, MOST valuable lesson this week. Words you type DO NOT translate as you THINK THEM!! I am afraid i have offended someone this week and i really had NO intention of doing so. Mostly iam a sarcastic and mouthy and that's the way i type and talk . But with out your VOICES, tone, eye-rolls ,giggles, smirks.....WHAT  you type can just sound MEAN!! I honestly didn't mean it that way!!! BUT i could be wrong and she got what i was saying. She is a DAMN smart cookie !! .......... it was already very fragile ground at best . So HERE where i put all my true thoughts i APOLOGIZE  if I have offended you or made you feel bad i DID NOT mean it that way HONESTLY!!!..I REALLY REALLY appreciate the hand YOU have extended!! I just forgot that you don't know me that well and don't get my smart ass mouth!  ......(LOL on the up side people whom have known me my whole life don't either)  You don't know how much it meant to me to get to go to the 70th, to find out out where i got my stupid ass crooked smile, to get a peek at that side!!~~ iam not MEAN and really all i wanted to say was SORRY  if i hurt your feelings!