Ok i lied the worst thing had not happened....................... Has it now ?? I dont know but it feels like it ..... Funny thing Death is .... Not funny haw haw but funny weird.... Iam certainly having a harder time digging my way out of this one ... My guilt weighs HEAVY in my mind ....... A few more hours could have ment a soul still walking this earth.. A daughter would still have a father a sister would still have a brother, a Father and Mother would still have a Son. and i would still have my friend ................But would it be better for him to be here now ?? in my mind i think probably not ....unless it would have been the wake up call? ..... i would though like one night when i close my eyes that i don't see him in that body bag in the rain... being hauled away.... i would like for my heart not to hurt every time his father texts me ....i would like to stop trying to get the soot and char out and off my nails and hands , i would like the mer whiff of a camp fire make me physically not want to vomit ..... I would like my phone to stop being so quiet now... I would like alot of things i suppose but for today ill take the sun that shining and not waste this day wanting.. I will live it and grab the good that is here!!!! .....................the night comes soon enough to rehash, relive ,rethink every second of that day
