Its Christmas OR the girls get fancy!!

What they created

Today is one of  "my other  daughters birthdays" I LOVE that my daughter and her are STILL best friends (since3rd grade)  I LOVE that they took a "BREAK"... I love MORE that they found each other again!! I fed Them What  Hydrophonic  wanted. She picked ceaser salad and cheese bread ... OK she  couldn't pick between cheese and garlic so i made both. I MADE them do the ginger bread house its been sitting here for weeks for them!! And since they were already artsy I had them  finish the melted snow man cookies.This is there inner MARTHA'S......
Apparently the death HOUSE is working !!  Seriously SIX teenagers on  their friends 18th birthday and christmas break ... JUST  wanting Ceaser Salad, a movie and time with there friends???  YEP thats the good Stuff!!!

The Gingerbread man takes a fall ..........

Blood every place

The roof 

Juli Girl got em rolling 

Teenagers don't discount them they are really amazing people ! JUST SAY-EN!!

A Gift

Tis the Season !!! This is a weird season this year so much not planned,all of us avoiding in our own ways. Its hard ..this was her favorite holiday. Today is the 5th month she has been gone.  It hurts less now but it still hurts. Was doing some shopping and saw the Life Saver candy books and grinned to myself and then picked one up and out wardly smiled  . She used to buy these EVERY year  for the kids. Witch used to make laugh cause mom and i used to get these for her....... I had the most AMAZING talk with my mom a week ago we talked about Alexe. She "felt" her  and knows she is OK now. I find it comforting that she feels this way. It makes me less Angry at the sheer waste of  her death. Now if I could get past the guilt i think i might be alright. I keep telling everyone else not to feel guilty because really you can not fix someone who doesn't wanna be fixed and I KNOW this!!! Its just hard to shake the what if's...... ... Today I believe i will play really bad Christmas music. wrap presents and enjoy the season for what it is. Although different this year I will enjoy it!! I also think i will go buy one of those life saver books and put it under my tree. A gift for us all, the gift of remembering  a goofy memory~~~

Dancing in the Rain!!!

So today  instead of  morning the loss of someone who has left this earth far to young I decided to spend the day with the YOUNG !! Mostly i just could NOT force myself to attend another funeral this year. And especially not this one. I waffled back and back and forth and decided the laughter and innocence of two of my favorite short people would be a FAR BETTER way to spend the afternoon and evening Ü

Ari made her own pizza FANCY

Blake and Ari work on an Xmas present shhh don't tell !!

Ari paints her hands for her own ART

front of their ginger bread house 

Ari's side of the house 

"Rama i wanna stir !! WOW this is hard" 

Blake gets in the action w/ strawberry creme cheese 

Strawberry is YUM!!

Making her necklace &eating chocolate cereal 

Finished product !

Rama these are yummy in my tummy!!

‎"Real loss only occurs when you lose something that you love more than yourself.

And here we go again. I can only hope that this is not the straw that breaks his back. All be it this "straw" is more like a ton of bricks...... To lose your best friend I cant even imagine . I just keep seeing his wonky walk his crazy ass hair .  They were such a pair those two together. What a team of crazy!! So random, so fun, so FUNNY*****










‎"Real loss only occurs when you lose something that you love more than yourself."  


this is his status right now. I lost it when i read it. My heart hurts for him. 


When someone dies its the people they leave behind that break my heart  The pain in their faces its just too much. I feel helpless to help them I know there is NOTHING i can say to make it better.......about 20 years ago A women who had just buried her 9 year old granddaughter said " The tears you cry are not for the dead they are for the living".... I didn't understand that statement then but I do now way way to well.........

Mental Health 5 cents or just Blog it!

This Blog is my 5Cents of mental health. Here is where i say what i cant say any place else. I don't have to spare other peoples  feelings i can say what i FEEL! I don't have to filter I GET to be MAD,SAD and stupidly HAPPY..... That being said I probably should have deleted a lot of the last 5 months posts but I did not and maybe later i will but not  now .NO Iam NOT losing my mind iam not depressed i have not gone over the edge  . This place is were i put ALL my crazy . It keeps the people I love,care,worry about alive Ü ~~ Its been stressful in so many ways the last 5 months. This has been a time of change, growth,strength, retrospect , and what ifs, ..... So don't over think what i write just roll with it let me be a BASKET case here. Besides this is way better then the gallon of Vodka that used to help. BAHHAAA!  With out this Blog and My person to talk too I honestly think i would have gone over the edge it would be so much easier . But NOBODY said life would be easy iam going with the theory that it will be worth it!!  And with that in mind Iam outta here to talk a walk on this BRISK,CRISP BEAUTIFUL winter morning!! .............

Some GOOD NEWS !!

WHOOOOP!!!

Seems that Grandchild numer 3 is in the works!! This is most exciting!! Due some time in July  Ü Iam toatally crossing my fingers for a girl!! Although the boys are ADDDDDRABLE I mean really look at these faces?? 

I secretly  OK OUT LOUDLY want a GIRL!!Even Kayden is on board with this idea.  Here is what his mom posted on Facebook "Kayden for the past month has literally at random times screamed at me "I want a baby sister, give me a baby sister!'. He's crazy and now he is also fully convinced that he is carrying his 'baby sister' in his tummy, haha."

This totally makes me giggle !!! 

They grew up DAMN IT!!

My BITCH'S  are graduating!! They grew up!  I shall miss them! Some of these girls i have coached since they were in 3rd grade!  Damn you have know idea HOW AMAZING it is to watch cute, adorable, mouthy ,children grow up to be BEAUTIFUL SMART MOUTHY WOMEN !!!  We weren't a typical  cheer squad ! BUT DAMN WE ARE GOOD!!  We had as a KICK ASS year!!! CHEER ALL OUT or don't fuck"en bother!! LOVE you  !! BELIEVE in whom you are!! BELIEVE in the future! These are the FIRST days of your life make the BEST days happen!!