you asked iam writing ok blogging cause really i cant write words that mean anything.. i can throw down thoughts. .......... My family is now falling apart each grabbing for their "safety zone" each of us pulling away from each other......Dad putting on the "FACE" the boys drinking,the sister trying to control what she can,me EATTTING (37 pds in 2 months its a gift really. if i could run i would and n never stop but i can not ) .... life is that good . YEP i said it THIS SHIT SUCKS !!......... BUT i have my brain wrapped around it ..... My most MOUTHY, OPINIONATED, BEAUTIFUL,SMART, SELF conscious, STRONG MOTHER is no more ......... she is confused, scared, angry. pliable , and wont freaken wear pants( unless you make her lol. its only funny if you know her.. she would have died before not wearing pants or clothes at any point).... Now i ask is it wrong if i FIGHT for her ?? I know what she wanted!( she has forgotten...she is pliable) we talked about this when her daughter died we talked about it when Grandma Betty/her mamma died we talked about it when little grandma died.....I know she doesn't want this ...... she looks at me with clear blue eyes and says NO this is not right i say back NO SHIT! ...........I am gonna have to fight the one person in my family i don't wanna fight ............ and really its not a fight they are doing what they know, what they do well! what they can... I will loose this fight but i must try.. I must try to make sure her REAL VOICE is heard..... i must do what she would expect,want and do if should could.. Against another child who thinks they know the "same" thing ......This shit all around is not FAIR and i hate it!