Tuesday, November 27, 2012

fuck cancer

I got the FUCK Cancer part DOWN!! i DO NOT have the keep calm part in hand. I barely have sanity in my grasp at this point. I still don't even wanna say it out loud ..people ask i can barely get the words out. they stick in my throat like wet sand clogging and choking my vocal cords. So i lied ............Right to faces i love to people who love her..........Ive actually only said it out loud twice  and it gets no easier............. I cant even imagine how hard it was for her to tell us. to tell my own children took more then i thought i had . to say it out loud makes it real... makes it not just a bad dream ...not just a nightmare i can not wake up from. I can not wrap my mind around it............. i don't want too. I don't wanna be strong i don't want to be calm . I just want to yell at the top of my lungs FUCK YOU CANCER YOU CANT HAVE HER SHE IS MINE!!!! YOU DONT GET TO TAKE THIS ONE !!! NOT THIS ONE !!! I NEED HER STILL!!!  you cant have my mommy ..................